Well, the latest MRI results are in. And well, it’s a mixed bag. But before I stumble around with medical terms I barely understand I want to say something first. Some of the lesions are slightly decreased and some are increased. Meh, like I said it’s a mixed bag. When I first read the report in my office I started to cry when I read that some are bigger. I was hoping for decreases and the rest staying the same size. But that is not what happened. Okay, okay… so I dried my tears and remembered that I’m about to go under the CyberKnife. So look out, you shitty lesions. My Dr. B is about to make it radiate in there and cut you out…mostly. Astrocytomas are tricky because of their ‘tendril’ like shapes. It’s just difficult to get it all. But I know this procedure is going to help very much. Then comes the Optune cap and in between all of that is a whole lot of prayer, faith and belief in miracles.
So here’s the part that I sorta understood. I had to look some terms up, but the definitions didn’t help too much. I just saw decreased and increased.
THE RIGHT FRONTAL LESION APPEARS TO BE SLIGHTLY DECREASED IN SIZE HOWEVER HAS INCREASED ENHANCEMENT IN COMPARISON THE PRIOR STUDY. RIGHT PARIETAL LESION APPEARS TO BE INCREASED IN SIZE WITH INCREASE IN SIZEOF THE ENHANCING CYSTIC COMPONENTS AS WELL AS THE SURROUNDING T2/FLAIR SIGNAL HYPERINTENSITY. THERE IS NOW SOME HEMOSIDERIN DEPOSITION ASSOCIATED WITH THIS CLUSTER OF RING-ENHANCING LESIONS. THE 2 SMALL LESIONS IN THE
RIGHT OCCIPITAL LOBE HAVE DECREASED IN SIZE IN COMPARISON WITH THE PRIOR STUDY. NO NEW LESION IS IDENTIFIED. PERFUSION ABNORMALITY IS AGAIN PRESENT ASSOCIATED WITH THE LARGEST LESIONS IN THE RIGHT PARIETAL AND RIGHT FRONTAL LOBES.
So there’s the science bit. To me, those big lesions are just fat and happy. I have some new hemosiderin deposition and it’s associated with the cluster of lesions that like to hang out together. But the best part of the report, “No new lesion is identified.” Yeah, buddy! That’s what I’m talking about. So even with the mixed bag, there is a lot to be thankful for. Nothing new has popped up and there have been decreases. I have to keep doing my part, eating better, taking care of myself by resting and most of all, let others help.
It’s amazing how I have struggled all my life to allow others in for help. I always put up a front to be a smart, independent, and stubborn woman who needed no help. Truth is, I have cancer and sometimes I need help. That doesn’t make me weak or an imposition. It just is what it is. I’m human. This is a time when I need help.
Later on, when I survive this son-of-a B cancer, then I can help others. For now, I’m the one struggling and I acknowledge every one of my family, friends, co-workers and strangers who have prayed for me, laid their hands on me for healing and who simply said, “Oh, it’s my treat today. Your money’s no good here.” What blessings I have every single day. Without fail. Even when things seem hopeless or I discover something unfavorable. The fix is right around the corner. The solution calls me minutes later out of the blue. Yup! I’m blessed in more ways than I can count. I have so much faith that however this turns out, it will be for my highest good. There’s so much to learn about people and the world. This experience is really opening my eyes up to some hard reality. It is not always easy to face, but I’m looking you in the eye, cancer. We’re going toe to toe right down to the end. I’m not giving up on anything. My miracle will come. So go ahead, mixed bag of results. Show us the map to victory because I’m about to claim it.