In the past few days, I’ve seen more hair fall out of my head than I ever imagined. The doctor had reminded me again this past Tuesday that my hair would fall out in patches. I have a lot of hair even though I keep it shoulder-length, so I didn’t worry too much. I’m sure that when I told her, “Oh yeah, I’m not too worried. I have a lot of hair.” She probably laughed to herself. Because she knew that I was not really facing the fact that I was going to have bald patches and it didn’t matter if I had a lot of hair or not. So today I was brushing my hair because my blouse was covered in tumbleweeds of hair that fell out earlier today. I just felt like if I gently brush it, I could avoid some of the fallout on my clothes and onto the floor. I’m shedding everywhere.
As I brushed it, I noticed my first bald spot just above my ear. Much like the picture I posted. There’s spot with scant hair and lots of scalp. It’s hard to notice because for now, the longer hair covers it. I froze when I saw it. There it is, Rosie. We’re down the road to bald. It took me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting that so soon. I knew it would thin out, but this was a bald spot with very little hair left. I struggle with cutting it short because I’m just getting frustrated with all this long hair falling on my shoulders and down my back. It balls up like tumbleweeds and it feels gross.
Nothing prepares you for this. You know it’s coming. But it doesn’t hit until it happens. Till you look in the mirror and see the hair is gone. It isn’t gradual. This has happened in the past 2 or 3 days. It’s brutal. It’s fast. It isn’t stopping. I saw a gentleman in the waiting room today wearing an Optune cap. I wanted to ask him about it, but the nurse called him in. The arrays were on a material that looked like gauze and not the rubber pads that they show in the videos. So that’s cool. Maybe they figured out a way to put it on a breathable material. I really wish we could’ve chatted. I had so many questions. There are only about 4 patients at the MCI that are doing the Optune cap so bumping into them won’t be easy. Maybe they’ll come to the Tuesday support group. I’m planning on going especially since I don’t have class. It’s from 5-6 and they always have a doctor speaking as well. I need to schedule some individual therapy though. There are so many emotions happening with me right now, it’s getting a little overwhelming. Especially after yesterday. The doctor’s words are embedded in my memory. They keep repeating in my head. I try not to focus on bad outcomes, but I also know that I have to do my responsible things too. Hope for the best; prepare for the worst? I guess that’s what the situation calls for. I’m not sure. I’m just doing the best I can with what I got.